Nathan Clenendin talked about how he is an enneagram 9 and doesn’t like conflict.

Nathan shared that he has the philosophy of story telling. Sharing redemptive stories that have hope or redemption. Stories are the language of how we make decisions and how we communicate. We think we make decisions based on a story more than facts and intellectual. Stories speak to the gut.

In stories there is always the hero.

• The hero WANTS something…
• which is met with opposition…
• which creates tension…
• WHICH MAKES A GOOD STORY!

Example: Luke from Star War wants to know “Who are my parents?”

Conflict

When you have conflict. You have to empathize with the other person. You also need to know what you want.

If you think about a journey – you are the hero. What is your desire? What do you want?

They are the hero in their story: What do they want? What is their desire?

Everyone:

• Wants to be known.
• Wants a bigger purpose.

When you think about what they want, and you think about what they want, then you can enter into conflict with empathy. When you approach conflict in this way you can become an ally or a trusted advisor. So can then they.

How do we empathize? We acknowledge their emotions and desires. We also need to acknowledge our own.

Acknowledging our own desires and emotions before another person is the vulnerability. Vulnerability builds trust. Babies give you oxytocin because they are so vulnerable. When you expose that desire to be vulnerable then you are inviting connection and oxytocin. When you share your issues and are honest then you create together.

Another Perspective

Whenever their is a conflict, remember that your life is a frame, and your life is in the frame and everyone is on the outside looking at you. When you are looking at others you see their frame. If someone threatens your picture frame, that creates conflict. When people say things that threaten who you see yourself from the inside of the frame. The frame is your identity. When others speak against your identity it creates conflict.

You need to look at the perspective of the future and eternity, also the backstory. Nathan Clenendin’s little 4 year old is bossy, and it’s hard, but when he thinks about it in the scope of the next 40 years, he thinks about her leadership.

When you think about conflict in the frame of eternity, how intense should you be about it?

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