4 Steps of non-violent communication

1. Observation – Acknowledge. Take all the emotions and accusations out of it. What happened Ask the other person, do you agree? (Person A and Person B take turns)
2. How did that make you feel? (Person A and Person B take turns)
3. What is it that you need in this situation? (Person A, Person B take turns)
4. What is your request? (Person A and Person B take turns)

All of this is to slow it down.

Responses/Application

• Need to make the identification of emotion done in a safe place.
• Make sure your goal is to train not just to end the conflict.
• Cooling down is part of the observing is very key.
• Good to train the observation phase to start with “I”.
• Good to encourage non-hyperbolic words like “Always” and “Never”

Are they HALT(ER)?

• Hungry
• Angry
• Lonely
• Tired
• Emotional
• Respect

You have to pray for your kids too. Their heart won’t change unless Holy Spirit does his work.

How do we develop self-control in the midst of all of this? You do step one and two. You have to model it. You have to let it be okay that they have those feelings. Once you acknowledge the feeling you allow it to be okay. Once you acknowledge that its okay it takes the edge off of it. By training our children to acknowledge our emotions we allow them to be aware of what is going on internally. Once they acknowledge what is going on internally they are able to have self-control and reflectively make the choice of love.

If you are the hero (protagonist), and Holy Spirit is your guide. He shows empathy. He gives you a plan.

Next week is Fall break, so no fathers group. When we come back Carr will be sharing!