By Chris Savage – Trinity Dads – Aug 30th 2024

This week we talked about whether we are encouraging our children to adventure out and risk (discover) or hang back and defend.

The Biosphere: “AntiFragile” Trees and Antifragile Children

In the late 1980’s there was an experiment around creating a controlled environment that was a self-sustaining ecosystem. The Goal was never reached.

For instance, many of the trees they planted to create a rain-forest ecosystem grew rapidly but then fell over before reaching maturity. The designers had not realized that young trees need wind to grow properly. When the wind blows, it bends the tree, which tugs at the roots on the windward side and compresses the wood on the other side. In response, the root system expands to provide a firmer anchor where it is needed, and the compressed wood cells change their structure to become stronger and firmer.

This altered cell structure is called reaction wood, or sometimes stress wood.

Haidt, Jonathan. The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (p. 72). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Children are also “antifragile” and meant to grow by learning through stress and experience. We have to encourage them to go out and risk and fail and come back to learn and grow and do it again.

Some Suggestions and Examples From Parents

If you don’t know what to do go outside and play and figure something out to do.

One father taught rock climbing. It’s a great way to test limits and risk while being tethered. Quote, “You aren’t afraid of heights, you are afraid of dying.” When you are tethered you don’t have to worry about that. He only gives his kids 30 minutes a day, even breaking movies into blocks of time.

Quote from Anxious Generation, “how can you frustrate your children on purpose”.

Best Example Ever of Intentionally Frustrating Your Child So They Can Grow

One father talked about how his 4 year old LOVED having his waffles cut. One day his Father said (paraphrased), “You are old enough to cut your own waffles, I believe in you. You are old enough.”

The 4 year old wept for weeks, but eventually cut his own waffles.

Much of life is like this and is allowing our children to be uncomfortable in order to grow.

Another parent shred about was allowing our children to struggle with tying shoes.

Another parent shared about showing his daughter a whole bunch of pieces to build a tower and building a little and knocking it down and allowing her to build something beautiful on her own, then praising her for it.

Biblical References

Jesus doesn’t fix things, but allows for the situation to get worse to teach a greater lesson.

Suffering and Struggle

John 11:5-6 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. ⁶ So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.

Revelation of Jesus

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; ²⁶ and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

Suffering is a primary means to Sanctification and Character Creation

Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Putting it into Practice

Chris left 4 year old in seat to unbuckle seatbelt

Paul let kids walk home alone a little further than normal (but still in eye range).