Nov 1, 2024 Meeting

Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or exasperate your children [with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by favoritism or indifference; treat them tenderly with lovingkindness], so they will not lose heart and become discouraged or unmotivated [with their spirits broken].

– Col 3:21 (AMP)

One of the fathers shared about how his father would let his emotional state flare out upon him. He felt, undeservingly, that he was responsible for the state of the father, when it was his father’s emotional unhealth.

The question presented to the group was, “how do I, as a father, not let my stress and tiredness end up impacting my children, from work or in my marriage?

Here are a few ways the group came up with.

1. Balance Personal Stress and Parenting Responsibly

Managing personal stress without affecting family life emerged as a crucial theme. Fathers shared effective strategies:

• Transition Routines: Create decompression moments between work and family time
• Change out of work clothes
• Take a brief walk outside
• Find a quiet moment to reset
• Mindful Response Practices: When stress rises, pause before reacting
• Take deep breaths
• Say a short prayer
• Step away briefly if needed

2. Value Emotional Repair and Model Apologies

Mistakes are inevitable in parenting. The key is handling them constructively:

• Own up to mistakes promptly
• Apologize sincerely to children when needed
• Use phrases like “This wasn’t your fault. It was my mistake, and I’m sorry”
• Model accountability and humility

3. Speak Positively and Reinforce Good Character Traits

Building character through positive reinforcement proves powerful:

Sample Bedtime Affirmations:

• “I love you”
• “I’m so glad you’re my son/daughter”
• “I’m proud of who you’re becoming”
• “You are compassionate, kind, and patient”
• “You’re more than enough”
• “You have what it takes”

These affirmations not only boost confidence but set positive behavioral expectations children naturally want to meet. Sometimes, this is in faith! But how much do we speak shame and guilt over them instead?

4. Model Conflict Resolution and Healthy Communication

Children learn from observing how parents handle disagreements:

• Demonstrate calm, constructive conflict resolution
• Show respectful disagreement
• Let children see appropriate reconciliation
• Explain resolved conflicts when relevant

5. Consider Seeking Outside Support When Needed

Past experiences can impact current parenting:

• Recognize when unresolved issues affect parenting
• Consider counseling or therapy to process past wounds
• Break unhealthy generational cycles
• View seeking help as an act of courage that benefits the family

6. Prioritize Self-Care to be the Best Father Possible

Taking care of oneself is crucial for effective parenting:

• Get adequate rest
• Make time for physical exercise
• Practice mindfulness
• Remember: “You can’t pour from an empty cup”

Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential for being fully present and engaged with family.