In our increasingly divided world, one of the most valuable skills we can pass on to our children is the ability to connect with others across differences. As Christian fathers, we have a unique opportunity—and responsibility—to model Christ-like love and understanding, especially during challenging conversations.

The scripture reminds us that “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). This sharpening often happens through meaningful engagement with those who think differently than we do. But how do we teach our children to navigate these waters while staying true to their faith?

Start with the Heart

Jesus consistently moved past surface-level differences to connect with people’s hearts. Whether speaking with a Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:1-42) or dining with tax collectors, He demonstrated that genuine connection starts by looking beyond labels to see the person God created.

When discussing differences with our children—whether political, cultural, or social—we should first help them recognize the shared humanity in others. Every person is created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and is meant for eternal significance. As C.S. Lewis noted, we’re interacting with immortal beings who will one day live forever either with God or apart from Him.

Finding Common Ground

Recent research suggests that social isolation can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. This startling statistic reminds us how crucial genuine human connection is—not just for our children’s social development, but for their overall well-being.

One practical approach is teaching our children to look for the “gem statements”—those core values that often lie beneath surface-level disagreements. For instance, two people might disagree about education policies while sharing a deep commitment to children’s well-being. By helping our kids identify these shared values, we teach them to build bridges rather than walls.

The OARS(P) Approach to Meaningful Connection

Just as Jesus demonstrated deep listening and meaningful engagement in His conversations, we can teach our children the OARS method of connection:

• Open Questions: Instead of yes/no queries, encourage children to ask questions that invite deeper sharing. Rather than “Did you like the movie?” they might ask “What made you choose to watch that movie?”
• Affirmations: Look for opportunities to genuinely acknowledge others’ strengths and positive actions. This mirrors how Jesus often acknowledged faith and good intentions in those He encountered.
• Reflective Listening: Teach children to reflect back what they hear, ensuring understanding. When someone shares their perspective, they can practice saying, “What I hear you saying is…” This shows genuine interest and respect for others’ viewpoints.
• Summarizing: Help kids learn to pull together the main points of a conversation, showing they’ve been actively listening and seeking to understand. We should also help our kids understand that asking probing questions could also be helpful. We best do this by trying to hear what God would ask them, or what action steps could be taken.
• Prayer: Prayer isn’t a part of OARS, but when we listen to what God may have us pray for those we listen to, we can see them encourage and strengthened by God’s word and by a word of knowledge or wisdom. We should be teaching our children to “do what the Father is doing and say what the Father is saying.”

This OARS(P) approach helps our children move from surface-level interactions to meaningful connections, much like Jesus did in His earthly ministry.

Modeling Christian Love

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). This command from Jesus doesn’t come with exceptions for those who vote differently or hold opposing viewpoints. As fathers, we can demonstrate this by:

1. Speaking respectfully about those with different views
2. Pointing out the good intentions behind different perspectives
3. Showing our children how to disagree without demonizing
4. Praying for those we disagree with

Creating Safe Spaces for Discussion

In our homes, we should foster environments where our children feel safe asking questions and expressing doubts. When they come home confused about different worldviews they encounter, we can help them process these differences through the lens of Scripture while maintaining respect for others.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). This biblical principle reminds us that our discussions about differences should be gracious while still maintaining truth and flavor.

The Bigger Picture

Ultimately, our goal isn’t to raise children who simply tolerate differences, but who follow Christ’s example of engaging with others in transformative ways. Jesus didn’t avoid those who thought differently—He engaged them with truth and grace (John 1:14).

Remember, our children are watching how we handle disagreements and differences. When they see us prioritizing relationships over being right, choosing understanding over judgment, and demonstrating love over winning arguments, we’re teaching them valuable lessons about Christian character.

As we guide our children through these waters, let’s keep in mind Paul’s words: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). This doesn’t mean compromising our beliefs, but rather following Christ’s example of extending grace while standing firm in truth.

In today’s world, teaching our children to build bridges across differences isn’t just good social skills—it’s crucial discipleship. Through this, we prepare them not only for earthly relationships but for their role in God’s kingdom, where they can be effective witnesses for Christ in a diverse and often divided world.