There’s a moment every father will face. A suitcase at the door. A child on the brink of adulthood. A final hug before they step into the world.

What will they thank you for?

That question, posed during a recent Trinity Dads meeting, became the heart of a powerful exercise: imagine your child’s last day in your home. What would they say in gratitude? What would they carry forward from their upbringing?

This wasn’t just a sentimental reflection—it was a call to intentionality.

Rethinking Our Role at Home

One dad shared a painful realization: he spends hours in one-on-ones with coworkers but hasn’t carved out the same intentional time with his wife or daughters. It stung—and it resonated. Many of us have rhythms, habits, and systems at work, but our homes often get our leftovers.

Colossians 3:23 reminds us, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” That includes fatherhood. If we’re diligent in our jobs, shouldn’t we be even more devoted in our calling as husbands and fathers?

The Power of Liturgy and Repetition

Another dad highlighted the role of liturgy—not in the formal church sense, but in the daily patterns that shape our families. Reciting the Lord’s Prayer on the way to school. Praying with a daughter as she wakes up. Going through catechism questions with a son in the car. These repetitive rhythms aren’t dull—they’re formative.

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 urges us, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road…” Faith isn’t just taught in church—it’s caught in daily, ordinary moments.

Holding Ourselves to a Higher Standard

There was laughter about yelling at umpires and kids alike—but it led to a deep reflection. One father asked: What if I held myself to the same standard in fatherhood as I do in judging others? It’s easy to critique, harder to self-assess.

We often invent standards for others. But what about our own? Another dad wrestled with this question and landed on a clear, if daunting, answer: Jesus is the standard. Paul wrote, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). That’s not a call to perfection, but to consistent pursuit.

Invite Your Family into the Vision

Several dads noted how helpful it would be to include their wives in this kind of vision-casting. One man’s wife had already started a list of life skills she wants her sons to master before leaving home. Another dad said it would make a great date night conversation: What kind of man or woman do we want to raise, together?

And perhaps even more challenging—some suggested asking the kids themselves: “What do you want to learn from me before you leave home?” That kind of question can offer clarity, connection, and even healing. Proverbs 12:15 reminds us, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”

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Actionable Steps for Intentional Fatherhood

Want to walk this out? Here’s where to start:

1. Visualize the End

• Take 10 minutes to imagine the day your oldest child leaves home.
• Write down what you hope they’ll thank you for.
• Let that vision inform your parenting today.

2. Create a Family Liturgy

• Start small: pray with your kids each morning or night.
• Add Scripture or a short catechism question (consider New City Catechism or Westminster Shorter Catechism).
• Repeat daily—consistency is key.

3. Schedule One-on-Ones

• Set weekly or biweekly time with each child and your spouse.
• Don’t overcomplicate it—go for a walk, get ice cream, talk about their week.

4. Define Your Family Values

• Draft a simple mission statement for your family.
• Ask: What does our family do? What do we stand for? (e.g., “The Melby family does hard things.”)

5. Build a Skill & Character Map

• Brainstorm the skills, virtues, and experiences you want your child to have by the time they leave.
• Think practically: How can you build those into daily life or weekend projects?

6. Seek Family Feedback

• Sit down with your wife and ask her: What do you want our kids to know before they leave?
• Then, ask your child: What do you want to learn from me?
• Let their answers shape and refine your plans.

7. Share & Learn in Community

• Take a picture or write down your plan and share it with a trusted group of dads.
• Learn from others. Don’t reinvent everything—borrow rhythms and ideas that work.

8. Pray for Wisdom and Joy

• Parenting is hard. Ask God for wisdom (James 1:5) and joy in the journey.
• Pray daily for your children’s hearts and your own consistency.

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God has entrusted us with the sacred role of fatherhood. Let’s not drift through it. Let’s lead our homes with clarity, conviction, and Christ-like love—so that on the day they leave, we know we’ve given them our best.

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