(THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO ATTENDED ANY MEETING THIS YEAR! YOU ARE ALL AMAZING, GODLY MEN WHO MAKE THIS MEETING AMAZING EVERY WEEK!)
As another school year draws to a close, our Trinity Dads group gathered not just to reflect—but to recalibrate. Over the past months, we’ve walked through powerful truths, shared honest struggles, and swapped practical tools as we’ve pursued intentional, Christ-centered fatherhood. This meeting, rich in memories and mission, became both a look back and a challenge forward.
1. Raising Anti-Fragile Children
We started the year considering the concept of “anti-fragility”—the idea that our children grow stronger not despite pressure but because of it. We talked about how shielding them from all hardship does more harm than good. Our goal is not comfort but character.
One dad shared how he and his wife installed a house phone to reduce screen time and encourage real conversations. While their kids found it hilariously outdated, it sparked meaningful dialogue. Another dad recounted his 21-year-old daughter admitting they had been too lenient with her phone use. These moments remind us that our limits may be hard now, but they will be appreciated later.
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” — Romans 5:3–4
2. The Masculine Journey and the Cowboy Stage
Drawing from John Eldredge’s Fathered by God, we explored the masculine stages of development—boyhood, cowboy, warrior, lover, king, sage. The cowboy stage (early teens through 20s) is pivotal. It’s where young men learn to work hard, take initiative, and discover that their strength can serve others.
One father shared how Eldredge’s story of tilling a field as a boy resonated with him. His grandfather trusted him with real responsibility—and that shaped him. We asked ourselves: What opportunities are we giving our sons to discover they have what it takes?
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” — 1 Corinthians 16:13
3. Emotionally Healthy Homes
We dove deep into emotional regulation—starting with ourselves. Tools from David Thomas and Lisa Damour helped us understand how to transition well from work to home, so we don’t let our stress spill onto our kids.
We practiced routines like:
- Sunday check-ins with open-ended questions.
- “Rose, Bud, Thorn” dinner conversations.
- Kindness reflections (“How were you kind today?”).
Small rhythms make a big difference.
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” — Proverbs 29:11
4. Hard Conversations: Sex, Pornography, and Mental Health
One dad shared a powerful moment: his college-aged son told him they hadn’t talked enough about sex and pornography. The father thought he had been transparent—but his son needed more. Another dad described how at Camp Deerfoot, boys’ questions grew from jokes to life-and-death topics—suicide, abuse, and identity.
If we’re not the first to speak on these issues, someone else will be. And by then, it may be too late.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6
We were reminded that our kids are already exposed to the world’s version of truth. If we want to shape their hearts, we must lead with grace and courage—even when it’s uncomfortable.
5. From Talking to Doing: Leading with Vision
Many of us do strategic planning at work. One dad challenged the group: “Why don’t we plan like that for our families?” He and his wife began holding quarterly planning sessions with real goals, rhythms, and spiritual practices for their kids.
Others created to-do lists in Asana based on books like Emotionally Healthy Boys or shared goals with their spouses. We talked about building family routines that reinforce identity: printing photos, planning service outings, remembering traditions, and even celebrating small wins (like beating a Ninja Turtles arcade game together!).
“Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.” — Habakkuk 2:2
6. The Challenge of Rhythms
Life is busy—especially when sports seasons kick in. But we were reminded that activities can crowd out connection unless we protect space for intentionality. One dad said he hadn’t done a Sunday check-in in months due to baseball. The solution isn’t guilt—it’s re-calibration.
As one dad put it: “If we don’t build rhythms, culture will build them for us.”
7. Teamwork with Our Wives
A powerful moment came when a dad sent a blog post summary to his wife—and she replied, “How can I help us get this done?” Another described how hard it can be to involve our wives, not because they don’t care, but because logistics and exhaustion often drown out vision.
Ideas floated:
- Bring spouses to a dads’ coffee session.
- Schedule a quarterly planning date (with a babysitter).
- Start small: one walk in the park, one night of dreaming.
8. Mission, Vision, and Generational Shift
This isn’t just about “doing things better”—it’s about living out God’s call for fatherhood.
“Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land.” — Psalm 112:1–2
What we do now—whether it’s asking better questions, having uncomfortable talks, or printing a silly photo—plants seeds for generations.
🛠️ Summer Action Plan:
- Quarterly Planning Day:
Block out a Saturday with your wife. Babysitter included. Talk family rhythms, values, and goals. - Conversation List:
Build a running list in Asana or Notes app: “What is manhood?” “What does courage look like?” “What scares you?” - Photo Memories:
Print family photos. Let your kids see what joy looks like. Bonus: Record audio memories. - Weekly Rhythm:
Try a Sunday check-in or a nightly “rose-bud-thorn.” Keep it simple but consistent. - Read a Book Together:
- Untangled by Lisa Damour (for daughters)
- Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker
- Fathered by God by John Eldredge
- Raising Emotionally Strong Boys by David Thomas
- Build Your Family Vision:
What do you want your kids to know, be, and do by the time they leave your house? Write it down. Make it plain.
Final Word
This group isn’t just coffee and conversation. It’s courage, community, and Christ at the center. It’s therapy, discipleship, and brotherhood. We’re not perfect, but we’re showing up. And by God’s grace, we’re growing.
“May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you… and give you peace.” — Numbers 6:24–26
Let’s go into this summer not just hoping for more connection—but planning for it.
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