Dads Coffee — March 20, 2026
Previous Week in Practice
Last week, the guys dug into the topic of marriage and the practical work of fostering a healthy relationship with your wife. This week, several dads shared how they put those conversations into action.
One father shared that something from the discussion prompted him to simply put words to his gratitude. His wife had been spending fifteen minutes a day working through tears and frustration with their seven-year-old son who is struggling with reading. Instead of letting that sacrifice go unnoticed, he looked her in the eye and said, “Thank you for investing in our son like that.” It sounds simple, but how often do we let the faithful, daily work of our wives go unspoken? Proverbs 31:28–29 reminds us, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’” Speaking that praise out loud matters.
Another dad shared that he became more mindful of the small irritations that can quietly divide a marriage. Rather than letting those little moments fester, he started catching himself before becoming the cause of unnecessary friction — a practical step rooted in the wisdom of Ephesians 4:2–3: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
One more father shared a practice from his church’s elders: every morning, tell your wife three simple but powerful phrases — “You are perfect,” “I’m sorry,” and “It’s my mistake.” He admitted it felt awkward at first, maybe even a little forced. But he found that as he committed to it daily, something shifted. The words stopped feeling like a performance and started becoming the posture of his heart.
This Week’s Topic: The Power of Defining Moments
This week’s discussion was inspired by the book The Power of Moments and centered on a question every dad should wrestle with: Can you intentionally create moments that shape your child’s life?
The book defines a defining moment as a short experience that is both meaningful and memorable. Sometimes these moments just happen to us — a chance encounter, an unexpected adventure. But the premise that got the group talking is this: you don’t have to leave those moments to chance. You can author them.
As fathers, this is our calling. Deuteronomy 6:6–7 says, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” God is telling us that every ordinary moment is an opportunity to leave a mark on our children’s souls. We are to be intentional — not passive — in how we shape their lives.
The Four Elements of a Defining Moment
The book outlines four ingredients that make moments stick: elevation, insight, pride, and connection.
Elevation means rising above the routine. It’s doing something that breaks the expected pattern of the day. One dad shared how he surprised his son by pulling him out of school early, grabbing doughnuts, and going to see a movie — just the two of them. It wasn’t expensive or elaborate. But by breaking the script of an ordinary school day, he created something his son will remember for years. Jesus Himself was a master at breaking the script — touching lepers, eating with tax collectors, washing His disciples’ feet. The unexpected act carries power.
Insight is a moment of revelation — when something clicks and a person sees themselves or the world differently. One father talked about taking a walk with his daughter and asking her thoughtful questions about her faith and friendships. It wasn’t a lecture. It was a conversation that helped her arrive at her own understanding. Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” Dads, we can be that person for our kids.
Pride comes from moments where a child’s effort or growth is recognized. It’s the milestone that gets celebrated, the struggle that gets honored. One dad shared how simply being present and cheering at his child’s accomplishment — no matter how small — lit up his kid’s face. First Thessalonians 5:11 calls us to “encourage one another and build each other up.” Our children need to hear from us that we see them, that we are proud of them, and that their effort matters.
Connection is the glue. It’s the shared experience that bonds people together. Several dads in the group shared that their most meaningful memories with their own fathers weren’t vacations or big events — they were doughnut runs, backyard trampoline sessions, and car rides to school. One dad admitted he almost missed a moment of connection when his son asked him to jump on the trampoline together. His instinct was to finish the dishes first. But he caught himself, dropped what he was doing, and jumped for fifteen minutes. It wasn’t about the trampoline. It was about his son saying, “I want to be with you, Dad.” That’s connection. And it echoes the heart of God, who tells us in James 4:8, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.”
Breaking the Script and Saying Yes
One of the most practical threads in the discussion was the idea of breaking the script — doing something your child doesn’t expect. It doesn’t need to be expensive or time-consuming. One dad hid rubber ducks around the house for his daughter to find, and while she hunted, he folded laundry and picked up toys. He turned dead time into a game and got his chores done. Another father made a simple habit of stopping at the doughnut shop on the way to school — a five-minute detour that became a treasured tradition.
The group also talked about the power of saying yes instead of no. So often our default as dads is to say, “Not right now,” because we’re busy, tired, or distracted. But what if we flipped that? What if we said yes more than we said no — not to every request, but to the ones that are really about connection? Often, it only takes five minutes to fill a child’s emotional cup. You don’t have to play for an hour. Three minutes on the trampoline might be enough. The point is presence.
Actionable Steps for This Week
1. Identify One “Script” to Break This Week. Think about your child’s normal daily routine. Pick one day this week and do something unexpected — a surprise treat on the way to school, an impromptu dance party after dinner, or a handwritten note hidden in their lunchbox. It doesn’t need to cost anything. It just needs to be different.
2. Practice Saying Yes. The next time your child asks you to play, jump, read, or just be with them — and your gut reaction is “not right now” — pause. Ask yourself: Can this wait five minutes? If the answer is yes, put it down and be present. Set a mental timer if it helps. Even a few minutes of full attention communicates love.
3. Plan One “Big Moment” for the Year. Think about one intentional experience you could create for each of your kids this year. It could be a special outing, a rite of passage, or a dad-and-kid trip. Put it on the calendar now. Write it down. Commit to it. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Make this the season you author something memorable.
4. Ask One Insightful Question This Week. Instead of asking your child, “How was your day?” — try something deeper. Ask, “What’s something hard you’re dealing with right now?” or “What’s something you’re proud of this week?” Then listen. Don’t fix. Just draw out what’s in their heart.
5. Speak Words of Pride Over Your Child. Before the week is over, look your child in the eye and tell them something specific you are proud of. Not a generic “good job” — but something real: “I saw how you helped your sister when she was upset. That took courage and kindness, and I’m proud of the man you’re becoming.” Let them hear it from you. Your words carry weight that no one else’s can match.
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